Sometimes The Fastest Message, Is The One Sent To The Past

“She held herself until the sobs of the child inside subsided entirely. I love you, she told herself. It will all be okay.” 
― H. Raven Rose, Shadow Selves: Double Happiness

Inner child work is one of the hardest, yet most important, forms of healing a person can do. Everyone has to work on this space. No one’s immune to it, so don’t even try to tell me you are.

Myself being no exception.

I have been working diligently on getting to know to my inner mini-me for a long time. And if I’m going to be honest, for the most part it was pretty fun!

Onesies, stuffed animals, cartoons, ice cream, and sleep overs were all my prescriptions. Through out my meditations and inner journeys, I would always find little Kya playing in her sacred space. Surrounded by everything she loved most: Beauty and the Beast, crystals and rocks, stuffed animals too many to count, and a large, inviting mud puddle center-piecing the open space amongst the gold lit trees.

She ran, played, and giggled, all while her white blond hair danced in it’s pony tail and cut across her brow like a perfect little china doll.

There were some tough moments though. Sometimes I would hold her and cry. I would tell her she was loved, she was safe. Our hearts would connect and she would take what she needed; strength, support, protection, and unconditional love. I could never hold her long before she would grow bored and release from my bosom to prance gleefully back to her treasures.

“Play! Remember to play!!”

The message was always the same for grown-up me. Remember to play. You’ve grown up so fast, remember to play. So, I did. At least, I try.

It didn’t take very long before I felt comfortable in that time line again. Child Kya was healed, at least mostly. I’m not so arrogant to say that more wounds may rear their ugly face’s in the future, but she was healed enough to let me go and allow me to move on to the next time line.

“Oh shit.”

Going from the small, bright eyed and innocent wild child to a tormented, undervalued and misunderstood adolescent, wasn’t something I had prepared myself nearly enough for. The hurt, pain, and trauma in that decade was more profound than I allowed myself to admit.

Now here I stood, looking unwavering into her eyes, her hurt. My vision tunnelled deep into her eyes, where behind the sparkling browns and greens I could see the darkness in full form. There lay a creature, that I can only describe as similar to Venom. Writhing, screaming, and bleeding, I could see nothing more but this torturous creature. It was pure darkness, pure pain, blocking out all and any light from entering or leaving. Its body dripped and bled like thick poisonous oil, splashing onto and overthrowing itself only to re-emerge, over and over again. Stuck in an endless loop, it wanted to escape. It could not bare to remain still in it’s prison but it had no means of escape. I looked upon this creature’s grotesque being and I cried. I cried for this creature who would never understand light. I cried for teenage Kya, for the memory of her pain was still held strength. But mostly, I cried for myself, for these were parts of my being and dwelled within my own self, not without.

I held her face in my hands and pulled her towards me. My lips caressed her eye as our two beings met. Through a gentle kiss, I found myself sucking that darkness out. That creature forever trapped, writhing in agony, came swiftly out and entered my lungs.

Kya’s vision needed to be cleared, needed to be cleaned. Healing light needed passage into her body, and I was only one who could clear that path. I breathed deeply in, removing all the darkness I could possibly hold. I breathed deep, until my lungs filled, until I couldn’t possibly fit anymore.

Our embrace broke, my lips left her eyes and my hands left her face. A dark, billowing cloud of dense smoke passed through my lips as my lungs exploded from the weight. The creature shrieked as it was finally gifted it’s release. As the smoke dissipated into the air, I looked back to Kya to find her with a hint of a smile. There was gratitude in her eyes, and love in her heart.

She was not healed. Her pain had not been eased, her trauma barely addressed.

But a path for the light had been constructed. A clearer path for love, vision, and message was ready and waiting.

Kya walked towards me, and our two timelines met. Our energy bodies met and became one once again.

And quietly, ever so softly, I sent the first message down her timeline:

“I forgive you. I love you. You did the best you could with the tools you had. You are loved. You are forgiven.”

And I heard a quiet sigh of relief from somewhere within.